“I love my husband but some times I have felt like I have lost who I am since we have been married. Like I don’t do any hobbies or any thing I’m just a wife and mom. Not that that’s bad but I want some thing for my self. My hubby has a bunch of hobbies but I don’t anymore. What are some things that you do just for you or just for fun.”
We nurture things that define us, and kids and marriages take a LOT of nurturing to stay healthy. So it’s totally understandable that when you are alone, or feeling like you need something for you-you feel lost. It’s because you haven’t nurtured the hobbies or parts of you that make up who you are. You become, in a sense, your relationship and your status as a mom.
The problem with this, of course, lies with finding a balance. Between nurturing our relationships and our kids, while still nurturing ourselves. It’s isn’t bad to be a good wife and mom. It isn’t bad to lose ourselves in the service of others. And if you are stuck on the idea that having hobbies or looking out for you makes you selfish-quit it. It actually does the opposite. It makes you a better wife and mother.
For me, the idea that I should just go out there and find a hobby has always felt very daunting. Like there are little hobbies out there hiding from me that I just haven’t found yet. My husband is GREAT at hobbies. He has too many. He could spend his entire day completely absorbed in his hobbies. Me on the other hand-leave me alone for the day and i’ll probably binge watch Gilmore Girls and take 2 naps. I enjoy those things. They help me to reset. But are they hobbies? Probably not.
I think there is a great rule of thumb when it comes to finding hobbies:
One To Make Money: I think anytime you can have a hobby that makes money, all the better. My husband, for example, loves to play guitar. He could play for hours a day. So he started teaching lessons. He doesn’t charge an arm and a leg, and he’s good at it. Which attracts more students. Now i’m not saying everyone has something they are fantastic at that is teachable-but there are ways to turn what we love into making money.
BEWARE: If you post on social media that you are looking for something fun to do, that makes money-you are going to get all of the MLM pitches in the world. I’ve seen a lot of women I love and respect thrive off of them, and really find themselves. But the ones who do well-do well because they are passionate. They love makeup. They like working out. They enjoy making healthy meals. They are great at social media. They make it into a hobbies-and the income follows. I don’t believe people in these companies do well because of the product-they do well because of their passion and persistence.
Is there a job you have always seen yourself in? Something you like to do? I’ve always loved to write. I like social media. I’m interested in a little bit of graphic design and being able to put my thoughts onto something physical. So I started writing in a blog a few years ago, and have played around with them off and on since.
If you are interested in a specific field-look for a part time position. Do an externship (unpaid) or see if they have internships available.
Take photos for friends and family. Learn to edit them.
Go back to school part time and take some classes you like or work towards a degree.
Teach a class. Piano. Guitar. Art. Fitness. Social Media.
Take a class. Music. Art. Self Improvement. Learn to Braid. Or do Makeup. Learn to sew.
Babysit. Paint. Bake. Draw. Socialize. Edit. Mystery Shop. Do surveys. Start an Etsy store.
One To Keep You In Shape:
My husband LOVES working out. He could do it for hours on end. He misses it when he doesn’t do it everyday (which is insanity to me) -he even does it on vacation. But part of why he loves it, is because of what his workouts consist of. He does martial arts classes-something he has enjoyed since he was a kid.
Finding a hobby that also keeps you in shape, has so many benefits. And it doesn’t have to focus around going to the gym.
If you are like me and love reality tv-only watch it from the treadmill.
If you like to socialize, invite someone on a walk with you.
If you use to dance or do cheer-leading in high school-try Zumba.
Like to listen to music and stay up with the newest hits-try a Water Aerobics class-you’d be surprised at how fun these can be.
Gardening. Rock Climbing. Horse Back Riding. Wii Fit. Geocaching. Tai-Chi. Canoeing.
Wanna spice up the bedroom? Or just do something really out there? Try a pole dancing class. (I’ve even seen underwater pole dancing.) Burlesque. Hip Hip Hop-anything that catches your eye.
One To Be Creative:
I think Creativity hobbies can sometimes be the hardest to pinpoint. I’m terrible at painting. Terrible at knitting. Can’t sew for the life of me. Basically I have no artistic talent. But i’m open to learn.
Bake cookies and learn to decorate them. I’m obsessed with watching these videos.
Do interior design-your house or someone else’s.
Bullet Journal. This can be as extensive or simple as you want. I’ve seen people who get very artistic with theirs and actually find more hobbies because of it.
Paint. Do Watercolors (SO hip right now.) Frame a picture. De-Clutter. Read a book. Make a card-deliver it. Embroider. Make chalk signs. Knit a GIANT blanket. I’m all about hobbies that allow me to multitask while binge watching Netflix.
Plan and host an event: A girls spa day. Cookie trade. Book Club. Bunco. BBQ.
As a reminder-you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Think about how you spent time before you got married and had kids-and try and revisit that. If you were social, reach out to a friend. If you worked out a lot-get a gym membership. Go see a movie by yourself without listening to your husband complain about chick flicks. Go out for dessert after. If you liked to play Tetris on your computer or play the occasional video game(guilty) DO IT. Wander EVERY. SINGLE. AISLE. at Target. Twice.
Don’t over stress about doing something that perfectly fits in the “hobby” box. If you like taking hot baths with homemade bath bombs and watching the Kardashians while eating brownies you made from scratch (totally random-not from personal experience…) Why aren’t you already turning on the oven??
Best of luck in your new, fun, endeavors.