This blog started like every other brilliant idea-a girl fight on the internet.
On any given page, if you wanted to ask a more private question-or you didn’t want people to know who you were, you had to submit your question to an admin. I messaged an admin on one of the pages, and suggested that an option be created to give women the ability to ask truly anonymous questions. That didn’t fly. I got a lot of excuses ranging from “it’s too hard” to “we want to pray for the women struggling so we need to know names.” When I volunteered to handle the anonymous posts, I got shut down. So naturally, I grabbed an equally outraged friend and we created something brand new-a purely anonymous wives page.
That one event almost two years ago turned into a Facebook page with nearly 1000 followers, and over 3800 anonymous posts. 3800!
I’ve learned so much in the years since this page was created-and I wanted to share some of those things with you.
When Someone Feels Comfortable Asking Questions Anonymously-They Realize They Have A Lot of Questions.
Some things go beyond “girl talk.” Beyond “ask your mom.” We all have questions about our marriage, friends, parenting styles and bodies that are a little embarrassing. We don’t want those that are closest to us to view our spouse of other families members in a negative light. So we hold it in and we start to feel like we are the only one going through things. And when we find an outlet to ask these questions, we start to realize that we aren’t alone.
Nobody’s Marriage is Perfect.
Seriously. I was one of those wives who was always comparing herself to other wives. Comparing my marriage to other marriages. “They are so lucky they don’t have to deal with _______” or “I wonder what it would be like to never have to worry about _____.” I felt this way because even in my closest friendships, I rarely heard the negatives. On social media, I always saw praise, but never saw anyone going through real struggles. I thought I was alone. And then I saw the questions. And a lot of them were the same-we would get new members and the same questions would cycle through. I was suddenly grateful for my husband, my marriage and my problems. It was really eye opening.
When You Stop Feeling Alone, You Realize Your Problems Are Manageable.
It really is amazing how when you no longer feel alone, your problems don’t feel so big. So many women were talking about real issues-infidelity, pornography, marriage counseling and insecurities. And even bigger-other women were coming forward, non-anonymously, to share their stories and offer support. I honestly believe that with social media, a lot of us have developed a Snow White mentality-if there’s something wrong, we didn’t find the “right” prince charming. Instead of working on our marriage, we assume we are in the “wrong” marriage and think of divorce as the only option.
It is my honest opinion that our little anonymous page has saved good relationships and pushed bad ones to end. It has brought people closer, and in some cases, it has pushed women to make hard decisions-and realize their worth. This page has generated friendships, created camaraderie, and blurred the lines between how we portray ourselves online, and what we struggle with behind closed doors.
So basically we are changing the world. Anonymously-of course.